Thick Skin or Be Bruised Forever

One of the trickier aspects of life as an artist or writer is how to handle criticisms both big and little.  The good news is that throughout life we are given many opportunities to develop the emotional scar tissue or thick skin that helps to carry on beyond negative feedback.

What does it mean to have a thick skin? It means that you are not easily offended and that you are largely unaffected by the needs and feelngs of other people; insensitive.  Now, insensitivitiy does not mean being rude, mean or cold to others, it means that you are that duck on the water swimming calmly, and the water just rolls right off your back. 

Albrecht Durer's Rhinoceros 1515

There are a number of types of "digs" that can occur and can be hurtful.  

Critiques are necessary and can even be helpful.  But that doesn't mean that they cannot also hurt, especially since it may or may not be done in a kind or sweet way.  Critiques can be brutal if the intention behind them is not intended to truly be for your benefit.  And let's face it, even the best critique may hold a tidbit of truth, even when we don't necessarily want to hear it.

Out and out insults--those comments and attitudes that basically tell you that you or your work is not valued.  There are, in my opinion, no nice insult.

Words said out of anger or hurt--when we are emotionally involved with people, words can come out as a result of anger or hurt.  Most of the time, these words are not the truth but aimed where they can do the most damage and pain.

And maybe the worst of the worst is Indifference.  This is when someone really doesn't care about you or your work in any particular way. They aren't mean.  They aren't nice.  They just aren't interested.  

I'm sure that there are many other hits that we all can take.  The bigger question is how to overcome the pains and emotional bruises received.

The biggest and best advice I have to offer is to write down whatever it is that was done or said that caused you harm.  Then set a timer and take a few short minutes to pick that experience apart.  Was there some truth in it? Why was it said? Was there something that happened that might have caused the pain?  And is there anything that was said that you could embrace and use to improve or take into consideration?  Then...let it go.  Get what you can learn from it.  Then burn up, shred or just throw away the paper.  Move on in your mind and don't dwell, stew, or create resentment.

Sometimes we receive the emotional blows by not choosing wisely with whom we share our art, stories or plans.  Let's face it, not everyone has our best interests at heart.  Some people, for their own reasons, sometimes even wish to see others fail.  Develop your relationships and share your treasures only with those you find deserving.  If you know someone isn't trustworthy or may cause harm, don't share with them.

Rockin' Rhino, (c)  Maria Ryan

Develop a positive self-image and self-attitude.  Know for yourself the value of you and your work.  If you are not dependent upon others to validate what it is you are about, you are in a far stronger position.  This is one of the BEST ways to develop a thick skin.  There are many other benefits of this position as well as helping to minimize the "slings and arrows" of life.

Keep your mind, thoughts and heart on your artwork.  Learn what you can from criticism and let the rest go.

The Shocking Truth!

One Thing I Know:

Not Everyone Will Like Your Art.

Glass panels created by 2 glass blower friends, not fused glass artists--they didn't really "get it"...

This is the Shocking Truth!  It does not matter if you are Pablo Picasso, Auguste Renoir, Henry Matisse, Jackson Pollock, Andy Warhol, or even Michelangelo...the truth is the truth.  Not everyone is going to like your artwork.  Some might even despise it and take mean or cruel actions to disparage or ruin your efforts and your sense of self. Others might just treat it in an offhand manner and make light of what you do--whether or not you are a "Master."  (See The Museum of Bad Art).

Ugly Glass Flowers made by glass blowers--not fused glass artists...eek!

As an artist, no matter what you are creating, it is highly personal to you.  It is a direct connection with your creative energy and life force.  Sometimes we are especially connected to an art piece and find it very hard to take when someone criticizes or does not care for the piece.  We might lash out and think, "what do they know?" And maybe they don't know you, don't know artwork, don't understand the processes.  Maybe they just have different preferences for color, technique, style and subject matter.  Maybe they have their own art agenda.  They may have specific ideas about art criticism.  

MORE UGLY GLASS ART.  Not MINE!!! Whew!!

If you MUST criticize, please consider learning how to do a critique that has some teeth and isn't just an emotional reaction.  Here is a fabulous piece on Art Criticism: How to Critique a Work of Art by Trace Lowe.  Critique also leads to the question "what is art" and "what is good/bad art".  There is the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

WTF? Watercolor gone bad?

As an artist, you cannot control the audience.  Perhaps for some artists any response to the art makes it a successful piece--if it is able to reach a visceral part of someone and cause a reaction--even if it is dislike. For other artists, it can be a very personal rapprochement to have a piece disliked.  It is, after all, an extension of self and by virtue of this, implies that they do not like you.  (Which may, or may not, be the case.)

It has potential to be art...but will it be ugly or "nice"?

It is vitally important as an artist to develop a thick skin. To be able to be in the same room or gallery space where your art is and to have it picked apart by others takes a bit of skill to endure.  But art is created to be seen and the artist cannot be constantly battering themselves because not everyone likes the artwork.  Nor does it do an artist or artwork (or the world at large for that matter) any good to hide out and keep the artwork closeted.

Graffiti...art? 

What I also know is that there is nothing that hurts so much as when we (our art) disappoints someone we care about, whose opinion is of great importance to us, and who we normally trust implicitly to have our back.  But, again, the shocking truth is that, even your dearest friend, family member or partner can not like your artwork.

I recently created several pieces of artwork which were specifically made for my sweetie.  I am not being paid for them other than to get the exposure of having them located in a public venue and I don't expect that I will be repaid for my time or efforts.  We had discussed the artwork some before I began, but I had not sketched it out and apparently had not been clear enough about my intentions for the work.  He picked out the colors, which I augmented with some complementary pigments.  

Just because it is dark, doesn't make it ugly.

I was only about a third of the way done with the work when he visited my studio unannounced and before I had the chance to cover the work.  Though he swears otherwise, the look on his face clearly announced that he did not like my artwork.  Shocking!  I was unprepared for this eventuality as he is normally my biggest champion and supporter.  As it turns out, his expectation of what the artwork would look like and the reality were vastly different.  He claims he likes it but has to "get used to it" (it being the enormous difference between his expectation and the artwork itself.)  I am continuing to work on the pieces--with a far greater strain on my creative energy than I've probably ever worked on before and an impossibly critical inner voice that views every brush stroke.  I cannot say that the works will be good or that I will even like them.  The joy and energy which I carried to begin with has been severely squelched and I am now just "trying to finish."

The situation hurt me.  It left me a bit raw.  And questioning myself, my skills, and (as dramatic as it sounds) my calling as an artist.  The reverberations are calling me to take several actions:

1.  To build a thicker skin--especially when it comes to loved ones viewing my art and what value I place on their opinion over the value I place on my own artwork.

2.  To be certain that in future projects I am more clear as to the end result expectations and vision.

3.  To review my own artwork with a more critical eye and see what and where I can improve.

4.  To review my own artwork and see what and where I have been successful and to be sure that I acknowledge to myself the value of all I've learned and accomplished.

5.  To review where I'm going with my art and make revisions so that I continue to do what makes my heart sing--since it is when my heart is singing that I do my "best" work.

6.  To find a way to release the sting of criticisms from anyone and not discount my self or the value of my work.

In the meantime, I've got to get back out there and paint.  More coming soon on thick skins.  Got a great way to deal with criticism?  Would love for others to share ideas. 

(c) 2013 SZing.  All photos and text protected by copyright.