Look to the Past

Here is an irony.

I plan to blog about the past...today.

Living the Source, (c) SZing 2013. All rights reserved. Tempera on Bristol.

My first sentence started with Now.  I erased it.  On my second time, I wrote, Most of the time....I deleted that too.

Clearly, that linear device we humans use called time is the subject of my blog.  It's just taking me a little bit of effort to get around to it.  Particularly when I quite frequently strive to live in the now, at this moment. Now.

However, we do use this construct called time to help us make sense of our world--or at least one semblance of sense.  And most of the time, I would recommend and note that the past is gone and there is nothing that we can do to alter it or make it different so our efforts are best spent on the Now.

Except when...we can change the past.  Except when we can make that quantum leap to correct an error and change the way things work out.

How?

Use tools.  Here is a delightful one.

Here is an example.  For years (see? more time) I did not think I was artistic.  Then in my mid thirties (another recognition of the passing of time), I decided that I was going to be an artist and I immediately began calling myself an artist.  At first (an order of time), that felt weird and a little false, particularly since as a child my artwork was really not inspired--although it was quite genuine.  I know, because I have proof left over in the form of a file my parents saved of different art projects I completed through various grades.

Yet I now definitely know myself to not only be an artist (and a prolific one if that, even if I am not yet popularly selling in large quantities or large sums) and a writer.  And it is hard for me to remember a time when I did not enjoy creative endeavors.  Some of my favorite childhood projects were making new Barbie clothes from scratch, practicing my interior decorating skills by making my own homemade Barbie homes, complete with carpets, paintings on the walls, and windows with curtains.  I enjoyed our Camp Fire Girls (sorry guys--you hadn't been accepted into this club yet) projects each week, even though there is some minor proof in the form of photographs that my artwork was less than stellar work.

We must look to the past to find our limitations.  The other day as I sat listening to a friend of mine talk about an unlimited universe and unlimited opportunities, I realized, "why, that's true!"  I am unlimited.  The biggest limitation I have that keeps me playing small is from the beliefs and indoctrination I have incorporated into my life as I have grown and some of those were beliefs of "not being good enough," of "who do you think you are?" and of "your sister is the one who is artistic, not you."  I can choose now to look to the past, see those beliefs and decide deliberately whether or not I want to continue to let them operate in my life and keep me playing small.

I choose to live life large.  So now comes the exciting and fun game changer where I think only thoughts of my unlimited potential, tell myself daily hundreds of times what an excellent artist I am, write myself love letters to tell myself about all the fabulous qualities that I embody and as with the beliefs that have kept me hiding from the very largeness of life and the opulent abundance of the world, I will be able to change my future, now.  I believe that this works because I have seen it do so.  The trick, of course, is to believe.

If you're having trouble following this, there is a VERY quick reading book by Richard Bach that was written in the mid 70s I think called "Jonathan Livingston Seagull."  Pay especial attention to Jonathan's teacher Chiang and the brilliant words he shares.

Now, I am ready to get back to the now. Now.

“Overcome space, and all we have left is Here. Overcome time, and all we have left is Now.” 
― Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingston Seagull

The Question of God

I seem to be skirting all around this theme.  Yesterday’s blog, Blue Print, alluded to it.

Now, I don’t want to lose those of you who are Atheists or Agnostics or Scientists or Pagans or whatever terms and labels you might choose, but let’s face it, whether or not there is a God, there are many artists who have tackled God and religious themes in their artwork.  My own art has a metaphysical bent to it, in that I believe that God, or to use one of my favorite terms, the creative spark, inspires me.  Much of my artwork has been driven by my many-years exploration of my personal beliefs and experiences I’ve had that have shaped those beliefs.

©SZing, Microcosm

For example, in my “Door to Eternity,” I was questioning what happens at the end of life.  Is there a bright light and another realm and another and another on a journey to reconnect with God? Do “we” float around in space? Or, as some of my rather staid scientist friends believe, are we simply worm food?  Frankly, I don’t know.  I can speculate.  I can hope and wish.  But knowing isn’t as important as the exploration itself, at least for me, in creating these types of art.

©SZing, Door to Eternity

Another of my pieces,

©SZing, Characteristics of God

is an abstract piece that was one of those “in the zone” paintings for me. I was thinking about as many different characteristics as I could of what my creative spark or divine inspiration would embody.  This piece hangs above my bed.  My sweetheart says it is his favorite painting of mine because, “no matter what, Love always comes out of the chaos and is right side up.”  I hadn't planned it that way while painting it.  It's one of those coinkydinks I don't believe in.  I truly felt that Zen-meditation sense that I talked about in The Art Zone on the day I painted it.

Then there was this picture.  It was done while I was attending a painting retreat.  It was the last evening and I knew that in the morning we wouldn’t have time to do much of anything except wrap up business.  I had just completed an enormous Amazon woman who was astoundingly intricate in her embellishments.  It was 9 p.m.  I was tired.  A part of me wanted to go have a drink and relax or just go to sleep.  It was a beautiful evening, cool, just on the verge of fall and there was a full moon.  The retreat center had a labyrinth walk next-door to the building where we were painting.  So, thinking I was “complete,” I walked the labyrinth.  I was feeling an enormous gratitude and joy at being so blessed to be at the retreat, to have completed the paintings throughout the week, and just really satisfied and happy.  I walked the labyrinth and suddenly was inspired to go back in and paint.
In 20 minutes, I had completed “God Creates.”

©SZing, God Creates

I remember painting the picture.  I was, at the time, very fond of wearing three or four jangly bangly charm bracelets.  As I moved my brush and picked up more paint, the bracelets were quite noisy—enough so that another woman painting in the corner commented on the noise.  I remember drawing the blue—I thought it was going to be a pond or lake or something for a landscape.  It certainly is.  But before I knew it, it was a world and everything else was in place. 

Twenty minutes flew by and I can say, I had never finished a painting in that short a time.  (For a baseline,  the first painting I did took an entire year and was the only artwork that I did the entire year.)  Of course, I don’t know what planet it is being viewed from (the flowers and trees in the forefront), perhaps it is a starship with a great arboretum on it…I drew the infinity symbol and somehow immediately knew it was a mask, the eyes showed up.  It asked to be “haloed” somewhat, and there was a moment in my mind when I remember asking, Is that God? Or is that me, as God, looking out on the creation of everything?

I promise.  I had not had that drink I’d thought about.  Nor was I under the influence of anything other than the labyrinth and the nighttime.  It is one of my favorite paintings, because for me, I feel a deep connection with…something.  Even in my modern primitive style, I feel that I captured that relationship to God as much as any of the very old school painters may have in their own unique exploration.

I believe that spiritual beliefs and exploration and the artist’s connection with God (again, whatever label works for you) are themes that have been explored for ages and will continue to be explored.  Each artist has their answers and their experiences are uniquely their own.

As for myself, it is my belief that that creative force, spark, or intelligence is every where present, every when.  It is in me, as me, expressing and experiencing through me.  I am not saying I am God.  I am saying that we all are god and god is all there is.  It is a theme I love to explore and which inspires so much of my artwork and projects.  Even writing this makes it all sound so inadequate and mundane.  But there is something about painting and spirituality that can be transcendent.  The fact is, God, or the remnants of God, show up in an astounding lot of artwork over the centuries.  He/she/it and the artists’ may be on to something.  We are all microcosms.